HELLO

Rick,

welcome to the site and thank you for sharing a little bit about you and your journey.

Like the others said, please don't be too hard on yourself for struggling to deal with the effects of your past - its seems to me it is understandable and unavoidable that traumatic experiences will leave a legacy that takes much time and energy to resolve.

I am sorry that your experience with therapy so far hasn't helped enough and I hope that you will find at least some of the support you need here. None of us are here as therapists but I guess we're all experts in our experience of abuse and its effects!

One of the things we do on our self-help weekends is to share a little about how it is affecting us; and in doing so, try to gain some insights ourselves into what is happening in our lives and how we might try to manage the effects more positively.

It is good that you are still looking for something that works better for you - I know I have often been tempted to give up and retreat into a big dark hole!

Maybe we can all help each other by posting some thoughts about the legacy of abuse and how to shed its bindings.

If you look in our resources section, Rick, there are some good books recommended that might help - Sue Atkinsons book is really good and easy to read, Judith Herman has written a rather weighty but comprehensive book on Post Traumatic Stress and its effects etc.

Hope you find what you need,
Jane

Have only just read your post having been absent from the site for quite a while.You say you were looking on the web for something about the effects of abuse in childhood but berate yourself because you're not happy and think you ought to be.In my understanding what's " wrong with you" is unconscious or unresolved feelings about whatever happened to you. And whatever it was was not your fault or doing. It breaks my heart that we're all having to try so hard in the present to deal with the effects of our past experiences and it does sound like you've tried a lot of things.Have you ever got any relief or healing from inner child work, I wonder? With love xx

Hi Rick
welcome to Svox, sure u find us a friendly group, we dont bit, well, some of us LOL
flick

I have read your message - not sure what to say except - Try not to be hard on yourself - you say that your children are doing well, so well done you.
I would love to be working, something happens at interviews and i blank - I've recently graduated from the Open University so I'm not unemployable on paper. I feel that people can see that i've got a secret. When I'm stressed it gets worse.
I too have a child who is doing extremely well at school and have a supportive husband. Its me - i have problems keeping friends because i dont let people get close because I can't. How I managed to get a boyfriend and get married I'll never know! But fortunately we did and 20 years later we are still together. I'm thankful that I am here to enjoy seeing my child grow up into some one I like. Sharon

Hi Rick,
Welcome to this forum. I understand your frustrations. I dont know if I have any words to offer you right now, but just wanted to let you know I am listedning.

I hope you find this a place where you can gain support and understanding

Claire

''Pooh!'' he whispered.
''Yes, Piglet?''
''Nothing,'' said Piglet, taking Pooh's paw. ''I just wanted to be sure of you.''