Hi everyone.
This is my first time on this website and I'm scared, although I'm not sure what it is I'm scared of.
After nearly 40 years since my abuse started I have finally admitted to a psychotherapist what really happened. This was the hardest thing I have ever done but she was brilliant and the fear that nobody would believe me is no longer as powerful.
It was a massive step for me to take but I don't regret it. The downside of it is that it has released so many memories that I had suppressed and I can only talk about it for 1 hour every week when I see her!
Anyway, I don't really know what else to say right now except I think I may become a regular on the forum.
Susie
I've been heard at last!
Hi Susie
Well done for taking that massive step!
Really good that your therapist was brilliant and that your fears are subsiding.
I hope you can cope with the memories that are coming up, and manage the times in between the therapy ok.
Take care and hope you can stay around here
Leyla
welcome
Dear Susie,
welcome to the forum and well done for taking that first hard, brave step of acknowledging the abuse that you have experienced.
I can empathise with the timescale as it took me nearly 40 years too.
It is hard when so many memories come crowding back, I hope you have a good counsellor who can gently help you to walk through this journey.
You are welcome to post here as a place where many of us find support and understanding on our healing journeys.
I hope you will find this here too,
Jane
Thanks
Thanks for your reassurance Jane. I had been feeling really bad about myself because of the length of time that I had kept my "secret". It is reassuring to know that there are others out there that can understand and relate to my experience.
I'm struggling today though. Things just seem to be a bit harder. Maybe it's just because I am finally facing up to everything, rather than running away when it gets too painful, like I have done for most of my life.
I try to be good to myself and give myself a treat once a week, but right now I don't feel that I deserve a treat. That's a hard thing to admit to.
I keep telling myself that I only have to concentrate on one day at a time and that, for now, that's enough.
I know I can't give up because that would mean that my abuser has won. He destroyed nearly 40 years of my life - he's not going to destroy the next 40.
Susie
Deservedness
Hello Susie,
sounds to me like you're spot on about it being harder cos you're not running away. Well done for being brave and sticking around! You are strong, you know, of course you are, you've carried all this stuff for 40 years and you're still here and still fighting!
I know what you mean about not deserving treats. I'm sure many of us relate to that. How awful that one legacy is this conviction of undeservededness. What I really believe is that all of us deserve goodness and cherishing - whatever has happened to us and indeed whatever we may or may not have done (contentious I know but I believe in unconditional cherishing)
So you DESERVE CHERISHING!
Thanks for your courage and spirit,
Jane
Hi Suzie Hope to get to know
Hi Suzie
Hope to get to know you
failry quiet on here at min, but always someone here most days
flick
Ditto
Susie you are not alone, I had got to the point where I was bursting to spill it all out. But I felt that I would hurt other members of the family so I needed a safe person to talk to. I too went to see a therapist but I am not working and I can't afford the fees. So I've been doing some DIY work with myself - got a book from the library which has helped. Trying to source a self help group in my area but haven't found one yet. I am writing it all down. I have been trying not to let "it" overwhelm me and try to carry on being a goodenough mum and wife. Some days are bad but I have a husband and child to also think about. I'm lucky to have them - my husband is very supportive. Remember You have to be kind to yourself - its not your fault
best wishes Sharon
Hi Susie, Welcome to the
Hi Susie,
Welcome to the forum! Firstly I want to say what you should be so very proud of yourself for telling your psychotherapist what happened. That is huge step- well done for being brave!
In terms of the memories- try to do things that keep you safe. Do you know any grounding techniques? It can be hard when memories take over but you need to keep yourself in the present and remember they are memories, it is not happening now- you are safe. Others on here may have grounding techniques to share that may help you- just to keep safe between appoinments!
I am pleased you have found us here and I hope you will find it a safe place to share, be yourself and feel supported.
Thinking of you
Claire x
''Pooh!'' he whispered.
''Yes, Piglet?''
''Nothing,'' said Piglet, taking Pooh's paw. ''I just wanted to be sure of you.''